Am I Lactose Intolerant, Or Is It just Hysterical?

I don't think your hysterical. It's probably a form of lactose intolerance. I'm not fond of dairy products myself, but had been able to consume them for years until a few year ago. I get sick when I consume anything with dairy, your best bet is to stay away from such products. And if you are going to eat something that has lactose in it, take a lactase enzyme pill prior to doing so. There is a test for lactose intolerance that can be done, but if your body acts that way every time you ingest lactose, it's fairly obvious you shouldn't be eating it.